Letting Go
by Agent Manchester
Summary: The loss of an agent forces AD Skinner to reflect and mourn. (Skinner POV)


DISCLAIMER: I didn't create the X-files or any of its characters. All rights of the mentioned television show belong to Chris Carter, FOX and Ten- Thirteen Productions. Special mentions to Gill and Dave, who do a fine job of being our favorite FBI Agents. No infringement intended. Also, I do not own the song 'Will You Wait For Me' by Kavana, again no infringement is intended.  
  
  
  
  
  
Letting Go  
  
For 8 years I've been the bystander, the one who looked on from afar. Occasionally there were moments the picture needed me in it, I was a vital party. I watched them grow, both officially and unofficially as at times they weren't under my command, my watchful eye as I liked to call it. Times came when I was depended upon to say it all or say nothing. But like I said, I was mostly the bystander, I watched not participated.  
  
The past week has violated that rule. I feel I have become more than a boss or an ally, I've become a friend to depend upon. Not in all these years have I ever been so emotionally involved, I have never been privy to their private lives, that wall could never be broken. Even when Agent Scully was abducted I was kept at a distance, at arms length. I watched as Mulder grieved, but his grief then could not match the anguish and dispere that he feels now.  
  
To my knowledge, they are best friends, I doubt I could ever imagine them as anything else, they were too different. To me, she was a very independent woman, she believed in science and needed proof to believe anything more. More often than not, when things became tough, she thought she could be strong, cope with it all alone, but that was a lie within itself. And as for Mulder, well what can I say? He believed in all, he had only one aim in life: to find his missing sister. The two of them were complete opposites, but I guess opposites attract.  
  
It had been just after 3 am on Tuesday morning, almost a week ago, when I heard my phone ringing. A call I wish I had never received. The news it bestowed on me still echoes in my mind. My world had been badly shaken. I had to compose myself before calling Mrs. Margaret Scully and Mulder. I asked them to come to my office at 9 am that morning. Even after my office phone buzzed and my secretary told me my visitors had arrived, I still had no idea how to break the news. It seemed that in the past 6 hours so much had been found but little explanation could be offered. The door opened and in walked Mrs. Scully and Agent Mulder. Her face showed great concern, but as always, his face gave nothing away, I had no idea what he was thinking.  
  
"Please sit", I offered. It was a pathetic opening, but it was something. "When I called you both this morning, I gave no form of an explanation as to why this.meeting was taking place. That was because I had no idea how to.tell you what I knew, and I still don't".  
  
"Mr. Skinner, I am concerned. I do not see my daughter in here with us, will you please explain to me where she is", Mrs. Scully demanded.  
  
I took a deep breath, this was it, I preyed I would do it right. "This morning just before 3 am, Dana's car was found parked outside of her apartment. The driver's door was wide open, her wallet and other personal possessions were untouched on the front seat. The driver's seat belt hung out of the door and fresh blood was found on the steering wheel and on the road beside the car. When I was called, they were assuming that she had been hit over the head and then dragged out of her car. At that stage she was still missing". I saw the colour drain from Mrs. Scully's face. I didn't blame her for doing that, I too was still trying to get a grip on the whole thing.  
  
"Is she okay?", Mulder stammered, his face still remained emotionless but his eyes showed it all.  
  
"No, I ah.I just.". I stopped, I could feel myself falling to pieces, this shouldn't have happened. I felt a tear leave my eye and fall down my cheek. "I preyed I would never have to do this". Again I paused, and looking down at my hands, I continued. "Three hours ago I got a call. They ah.they found Scully's body. It was downtown, in a Dumpster in Sim's Alley. Her estimated time of death was 3:40 am". I watched hopelessly as Mrs. Scully broke down in tears, I too shared her pain. I'd always thought of Mulder and Scully as my children, I was their guardian. I had now lost one of those children.  
  
Mulder rose from his seat and went over to the grieving mother, still no emotion showed on his face, he was trying to be strong.  
  
"There is more", I began, "She had been badly injured, cuts and bruises mainly. A witness said that a man in a bomber jacket had approached Scully's car. We didn't get much of a description of him, the witness said it was dark. I learned 10 minutes ago that the ME had discovered that Scully had taken part in intercourse within the last 12 hours of her life, they believe she was the victim of rape. I am very sorry, but we might not find the person who did this to her. We lifted some prints and they are being worked on now. As for the sexual side of this, whoever it was had used a condom. There was some lubricant traces found they match a common brand of condoms.".  
  
Mulder cut me off. "Durex", he said.  
  
This took me a few steps back. "Yes", I replied.  
  
"My prints are going to be on her body", he added.  
  
"How do you.", I realised what he was saying, "you and her had been together?".  
  
Mrs. Scully looked at Mulder for an answer.  
  
"She came over to my place at about 7, she wanted to talk. Yes she did end up staying, and yes, things became physical". His voice faulted, "I watched her fall asleep beside me, then I dozed of as well. When I woke up this morning she was gone, she must have left during the night". His face became sad, his eyes began to water. "I didn't even get to say good-bye", he whispered.  
  
Then he surprised me. He took a deep breath and wiped his eyes, he reverted to being strong.  
  
"Mrs. Scully, preparations for your daughter's funeral can be arranged if you feel you.will have difficulties in doing it yourself. There are a lot of people who know your daughter, both here at the FBI and in the medical field. This has ah.affected a lot of us. I have lost a dear friend, she will always be remembered, at least I will never forget her". That was when I completely lost it. Tears fell from my eyes, I no longer cared what my visitors thought of me, and no doubt they felt the same.  
  
A few minutes passed and I had managed to gain control of my emotions. I picked up my phone and spoke to my secretary. "Yes, come and get her, then take her down". I put the phone back in its place. "Your daughter has been seeing the onsite counselor for a few years now. In her contract of confidentiality, she stated that all those session reports be given to you if something happened". The office door opened and in came my secretary. "This is Isabelle, she'll take you down to the counselor's office".  
  
Mrs. Scully stood and Agent Mulder went to follow her.  
  
"No, Agent Mulder, may I have a word with you?". He remained in his seat and I waited for the door to close before I began. "Are you going to be okay?".  
  
"I don't know I, I've just found out my.she's dead, how do you expect me to be?".  
  
I stood up and began to pace around the room; sitting front on to Mulder was hard. "There's an official funeral being arranged. The FBI.it's going to be big, many of the officials will be there. By god they've planned it like it's going to be held at Arlington. I never knew that so many people knew her". I stopped; I didn't know how to continue.  
  
"She wouldn't want that", he said, "she'd want it small, like her father's was".  
  
Again I took to pacing, but I ended up back in my seat, my fingers laced together in front of me on my desk. "You're a lucky man", I finally said.  
  
His face looked puzzled, "how so?".  
  
"Her faith was to God, her dedication was to the FBI, but to you she gave her heart".  
  
The Agent sat silent.  
  
"You also had her love". I added.  
  
To that I was given a reply, "if this is leading to the relationship Scully and I shared, I hardly think this is the.".  
  
I held my hand up for him to stop. "What ever happened between you and Scully is your business, nobody else's. All I am asking of you is to remember how fortunate you were. There were many times she gave up her time to be with you. I am not saying you owe her anything, and I doubt you will ever forget her. I know I won't. It's just, well; I know a lot of men who are envious of you. The two of you had a very special bond and in my opinion, you were, and always will be, the best partnership the bureau has ever had".  
  
Mulder nodded his head, I think he understood. I gave him my blessing, I wished I could have been him, I too cared for Dana Scully.  
  
* * * * *  
  
The days that followed proved nothing more than heartache. As the news of Scully's death spread around Headquarters, more and more faces became sad, became lost.  
  
I dreaded nights the most, my apartment was dark and lonely, I always seemed to get depressed. Being at work wasn't too bad; it kept my mind off of things. It was the only way I could keep myself together, to prevent the tears. I saved them for at night when I was home.  
  
Preparations for Scully's funeral continued, each day I was given an update on how the plans were going. I hadn't heard a word from Mrs. Scully, although Mulder told me that Bill and Charles, Scully's brothers, had come home in this time of need to support their mother. I never really could tell what was going on in Mulder's mind. Each time I saw him, nothing changed. His face remained serious; he was keeping his emotions to himself. One would think he didn't care, but I knew he did. His work stayed up to date, so I told him to go home, to take some time off so he could deal with what happened, but he told me he needed to work and left it at that.  
  
By the time Friday afternoon came along, I had forgotten what it was like to smile, I doubted I could even if I wanted to. I decided that Scully, being the understanding person she was, would hate to see us all moping around because she was no longer with us, she'd want us to continue with our lives. So I felt that a happy hour was called for. That evening I headed downtown for the D.C Club, every Friday night was karaoke night and that alone was sure to lift your spirits. It was just after 9pm when I entered the long brick building. The club was a rectangular shape and was split into two halves. Down one half was a long bar and some booths for customers to sit in. The other half was a dance floor and stuck in the middle was a stage. Tonight it held microphones on stands and two large televisions.  
  
I had entered just in time to hear the announcement. From every speaker came the manager's voice. "Ladies and Gentleman, may I have your attention for a moment. Earlier this week, as many of you already know, one of Washington's finest FBI Agents was brutally assaulted. Sadly, she is no longer with us and tonight there are four men here who are trying to say good-bye the best way they can. So from us here at the D.C Club, Dana Katherine Scully, may your soul rest in peace".  
  
It wasn't until the announcement was finished that I saw Mulder. He was drunk or close enough to it. Around him were three men. One had long blonde hair. Another was short, bald and wore glasses. Only the last one looked like he had some dignity, he wore a suit and was well groomed.  
  
"He calls them the Lone Gunmen", a voice said.  
  
When I turned around, I found Mrs. Scully standing behind me. "What are you doing here?", I asked.  
  
"I could ask you the same thing", she replied.  
  
"The past few days have been kind of tough, I thought I could use a break.and some cheering up". I gestured to a booth; "shall we sit?".  
  
She nodded her head. When we were seated, she began to explain her presence at the club. "I was called an hour ago, the manager, Michael Genge told me that Mulder and his friends had been here since 6:30. They found my number in his wallet, which he dropped on the stage when he was singing. He said all they had done was drink".  
  
"I've never known of Mulder to be like this", I said, "he's always been so.mature".  
  
"Maybe this is his way of grieving", she replied.  
  
"I don't know, he hasn't, from what I have seen, he hasn't been.disturbed about all this. He has managed to handle it all quite well".  
  
She took a deep breath and smiled sadly. "It's funny, after all these years, I found myself wishing that my daughter would see that Mulder was everything she wanted in a companion. When he said they had.things had become physical, for a moment, I hated him. He had her last night alive", tears fell from her eyes, "and now, to see him like this, it seems like he couldn't care less".  
  
I handed her a serviette, "he does care, this is just his way of dealing with her loss, maybe it's the only way he can". "Losing Melissa was hard, now losing Dana.I just don't know what to do".  
  
In the moments that we had been talking, Mulder had made his way to the stage and up the stairs. In his hand was the microphone.  
  
"I don't know where to begin and I honestly don't care where I end, but I know that only one person has always been there for me and now that person is no longer there. I can remember being at a Cher impersonation concert a couple of years back, I guess it was kinda like karaoke. We danced, I had never seen her so happy.", his voice trail off.  
  
"We better go get him down before he makes a fool of himself", I said. But before we could even get halfway to the stage, music began and Mulder's voice echoed around the club.  
  
"I need to talk with you again, why did you go away All our time together just feels like yesterday I never thought I'd see, a single day without you The things we take for granted, we can sometimes lose.And if I promise not to feel this pain Will I see you again? Will I see you again?  
  
'Cause time will pass me by; maybe I'll never learn to smile But I know I'll make it through, if you wait for me And all the tears I cry, no matter how I try They'll never bring you home to me Won't you wait for me.in heaven  
  
Do you remember how it was, when we never seemed to care The days went by so quickly, 'cause I thought you'd always be there And it's hard to let you go; though I know that I must try I feel like I've been cheated, cause we never said good-bye. And if I promise not to feel this pain Will I see you again? Will I see you again?  
  
'Cause time will pass me by; maybe I'll never learn to smile But I know I'll make it through, if you wait for me And all the tears I cry, no matter how I try They'll never bring you home to me Won't you wait for m in heaven"  
  
  
  
As an instrumental piece began both Mrs. Scully and I stood shocked.  
  
"He's good", I said.  
  
"Yeah I guess so", she replied.  
  
"See, he does care".  
  
"He's drunk", she mocked.  
  
"'Cause I miss you so.and I need to know Will you wait for meeeeee.'Cause time will pass me by; maybe I'll never learn to smile But I know I'll make it through, if you wait for me...say you'll wait for me And all the tears I cry, no matter how I try.how I try They'll never bring you home to me Won't you wait for me..  
  
And time will pass me by; maybe I'll never learn to smile But I know I'll make it through, if you wait for me.."  
  
It was at that very moment that he lost control. The microphone went flying across the stage, people ran for cover, tears fell from his eyes. He fell to his knees. "Why!", he cried, "why take her.why leave me here!".  
  
We raced over to the stage and up the stairs, "come on, let's get you home", I told him.  
  
"Of all the people in D.C, why did they take her.why'd they take Scully", he sobbed.  
  
Before me sat a man whose heart had finally cracked and I had no idea how to comfort him.  
  
With much effort and the help of two security guards, we took the sobbing Mulder off the stage and into a taxi. The Long Gunmen, as Mrs. Scully has called them, were asked to leave the premises, I have not seen nor heard from them since. The death of Scully was tough on us all; I had no idea how much of an impact Mulder and Scully had on my life. With Scully's passing and Mulder's withdrawal from society, it leaves me as an Assistant Director, plain and simple. I was no longer a bystander of an idealistic partnership, I had been pulled into the picture, I was part of the scene.  
  
In a space of five days, I had discovered what I now know to be the most romantic love in life. You don't need to be getting jiggy with someone in order to love him or her. The best relationships, and quite often the ones that last, are rooted in friendship.  
  
You could live for a thousand years and only ever love one person and if that one person is taken from you, the hardest thing to my knowledge, is letting go.  
  
  
  
The End 


End file.
